Dealing With 'Threenagers'

As a parent, I have come to know that one thing is certain: the terrible two’s ain’t got nothin’ on a THREE YEAR OLD.

In my experience, two is a great age. They develop personality, start forming sentences, being a friend instead of just your baby. For me, it was a fun, hilarious age. Then the dreaded age of three came along and ripped my dreams from me. I’m being dramatic of course, but in all honesty, three is HARD.

Let me explain why: A three year old is smart. They figure out they actually have a say in things. They push limits to test boundaries. They will find out what they can and cannot get away with. They start learning things like letters and counting, ya know, the big kid things. They are toddlers, but seriously. I find myself saying, “where did my baby go? The tiny feet? The toothless smile? Where is the baby I raised?!’ Well, that baby turned into a spitting, booger eating three year old.

Don’t let me scare you away. Three is also so fun. Again, they can be your friend, your little buddy. They are smart and curious, creative and still hilarious.

The hard times come when they are trying to figure out their boundaries. What pushes moms buttons? What does she really not like? This is actually a hugely important phase, where they learn consequence and discipline. The whole teaching process is no walk in the park though.

If I haven’t scared you off from having children forever, let me share with you things I have learned about helping you survive these phases of a threenager.

1. Most of the time, kids need attention. When my son starts throwing things across the room and yelling bad words (like stupid, and shut-up), I try to have a ‘time-in’. Instead of sending him off to a corner or his room for a time-out (which trust me, I do that too), I ask him if he needs a time-in. And guess what? He almost always says yes. A time-in is simple: a few minutes of just the two of you. Now, because he did something naughty to get this attention, there is no talking. Sometimes he cries. I hold him on my lap, and swarm him with a bear hug, restricting him to move. I just sit there for a few minutes, holding my baby, to reassure him that I’m here. Try it, it really helps.
2. Assigning daily jobs. Sounds like a punishment, but it’s not! My son thinks this is so awesome and he loves doing things all by himself. Brushing teeth, getting dressed, and making his bed are all mandatory every day. And I make him do these by himself, even if he only brushes his two front teeth and his bed looks like he just got out of it. I monitor and give tips but try to make him do this independently. Then I choose one job for him to do around the house. Taking out the trash, wiping down light switches, wiping down the baseboards in a room, cleaning door handles, picking up the toys in the yard, cleaning the toilet (with lots of help from mom), or anything I need. This shows the child that you trust them, and they are an important part of the family.
3. Playing with your child. Before you slam the door in my face, hear me out. I’m the first to admit that getting on the floor and playing pretend kitchen or dinosaurs or lions is not what I want to be doing. But child-led play is key to imagination and development at this age. Go to the toy room, and ask your child, “what do you want to play?’ Let them be the guide, and just go along for the ride. Even 20 minutes a day will make a world of a difference. Plus it might help you win the ‘fun parent’ award once and for all, instead of dad.

It’s not a cure-all for the tantrums and the throwing of food and the meltdowns in the middle of Target. But it does help show love and trust and gives your child some self-confidence. Try it.

And when they throw the yogurt in your face ANYWAY, stop, pause, breathe, then react. Remember to be nice to yourself, too.