As a parent, I have
come to know that one thing is certain: the terrible two’s ain’t got nothin’ on
a THREE YEAR OLD.
In my experience, two
is a great age. They develop personality, start forming sentences, being a
friend instead of just your baby. For me, it was a fun, hilarious age. Then the
dreaded age of three came along and ripped my dreams from me. I’m being
dramatic of course, but in all honesty, three is HARD.
Let me explain why: A
three year old is smart. They figure out they actually have a say in things.
They push limits to test boundaries. They will find out what
they can and cannot get away with. They start learning things like letters and
counting, ya know, the big kid things. They are toddlers, but seriously. I find
myself saying, “where did my baby go? The tiny feet? The toothless smile? Where
is the baby I raised?!’ Well, that baby turned into a spitting, booger eating
three year old.
Don’t let me scare
you away. Three is also so fun. Again, they can be your friend, your little
buddy. They are smart and curious, creative and still hilarious.
The hard times come
when they are trying to figure out their boundaries. What pushes moms buttons?
What does she really not like? This is actually a hugely important phase, where
they learn consequence and discipline. The whole teaching process is no walk in
the park though.
If I haven’t scared
you off from having children forever, let me share with you things I have
learned about helping you survive these phases of a threenager.
- Most of the time, kids need attention.
When my son starts throwing things across the room and yelling bad words
(like stupid, and shut-up), I try to have a ‘time-in’. Instead of sending
him off to a corner or his room for a time-out (which trust me, I do that
too), I ask him if he needs a time-in. And guess what? He almost always
says yes. A time-in is simple: a few minutes of just the two of you. Now,
because he did something naughty to get this attention, there is no
talking. Sometimes he cries. I hold him on my lap, and swarm him with a
bear hug, restricting him to move. I just sit there for a few minutes,
holding my baby, to reassure him that I’m here. Try it, it really helps.
- Assigning daily jobs. Sounds like a
punishment, but it’s not! My son thinks this is so awesome and he loves
doing things all by himself. Brushing teeth, getting dressed, and making
his bed are all mandatory every day. And I make him do these by himself,
even if he only brushes his two front teeth and his bed looks like he just
got out of it. I monitor and give tips but try to make him do this
independently. Then I choose one job for him to do around the house.
Taking out the trash, wiping down light switches, wiping down the
baseboards in a room, cleaning door handles, picking up the toys in the
yard, cleaning the toilet (with lots of help from mom), or anything I
need. This shows the child that you trust them, and they are an important
part of the family.
- Playing with your child. Before you
slam the door in my face, hear me out. I’m the first to admit that getting
on the floor and playing pretend kitchen or dinosaurs or lions is not what
I want to be doing. But child-led play is key to imagination and
development at this age. Go to the toy room, and ask your child, “what do
you want to play?’ Let them be the guide, and just go along for the ride.
Even 20 minutes a day will make a world of a difference. Plus it might
help you win the ‘fun parent’ award once and for all, instead of dad.
It’s not a cure-all
for the tantrums and the throwing of food and the meltdowns in the middle of
Target. But it does help show love and trust and gives your child some
self-confidence. Try it.
And when they throw
the yogurt in your face ANYWAY, stop, pause, breathe, then react. Remember to
be nice to yourself, too.
