MomLife

Mother's Day is coming up & it always gets me thinking of my role as a mother.

Lets be honest...there are days where I am not the mother I want to be. I mean entire days where I loose my temper, am just too tired to play dinosaurs, or days I choose to feed Winn mac & cheese for breakfast. And then there are days where I am doing a decent job raising my children. Where I get on the floor and play and have read-a-thons and watch Winn's imagination grow. Is it just me? I hope not.

Wes has brought a whole new chaos into my world. I thought my world was rocked by having Winn...but boy, it had nothin' on Wes' arrival. This time I don't hover over my sleeping child, and wake to every noise made. Wes is actually a perfect little baby. Minus the fact that he demands to be held at least 20 hours a day ;) He sleeps anywhere from 4-7 hours straight at night. He coos and smiles when he hears my voice. He's just heaven. But I would be lying if I said the transition to 2 hasn't been hard. Mostly because I have a heavy heavy heart filled of guilt most days for the lack of attention I am able to give to Winn. Listen, he wants a play mate. He wants me to play cars. And after cars, dinosaurs. After dinosaurs, tag. After tag, hide and seek. See where I'm going? It's just hard to find a balance of making Winn feel so important and give him all of me that he demands, while still also trying to do the same for Wes. I know I've said it before, and I'm gonna say it again--children demand everything from you. They demand every ounce of your being, everything you're made of. And sometimes that becomes overwhelming for me. Somedays I fail at allowing to do that for my kids. I am so grateful that children are so quick to forgive. Even on my worst days, Winn forgives me. He allows me to have ugly and hard days, and loves me all the while. So, thank you Winn, for letting me grow up with you.

It's easy to loose myself in my role as a mother. And when I am asked, "what do you like to do?" it's hard for me to think of things that don't involve my children. But I like it that way. They have made me who I am today. Winn is growing up, learning new things, becoming a friend, finding things he's afraid of, things he is good at and maybe not so great at yet. All the while, I am doing the same.

I was in church last week, and it happened to be a baby blessing. The grandfather giving the blessing said this simple thing and something clicked for me.
"Just 6 short weeks ago, you were in the presence of your Savior. I know that he wept as he sent you here to us."
I am so blessed to have a Savior who trusts me enough to send me my children. He trusts me to teach them to pray, to be an honest friend, to be respectful and polite, and to help plant a seed that hopefully grows into a fierce testimony of His love for them. Yes, some days (more than I want to admit) I fail miserably at this mom business. But my children forgive me for my shortcomings, continue to give me opportunities to overcome those shortcomings and turn my weaknesses into my strengths. My children love me anyway. I am so eternally grateful for a loving Savior who entrusted these beautiful people to little old me. And I am so grateful for children who believe in me day after day. I am soaking it in, every day. I am my children's comforter. When Winn wakes up in the night to a bad dream, I am the name he screams for. When he falls and gets hurts, I am who he searches for to give him a kiss that makes it all better. When he is hungry, I am who he demands his milk and fruit snacks from. Right now, for this little moment of motherhood, I am who he not only needs but who he wants.
My goal is to remember that, and not take it for granted. To remember to allow myself to continue to grow with my children and learn alongside them. To remember that this doesn't last forever, and I am not who Winn will always want. But right now, I am enough. Even when I don't believe I am.


"Every woman in the world was made to be a Mother either physically or spiritually" -Fulton Sheen.