The Babe Is Here!

Well Baby Winn Markham Rogers has arrived and boy has he thrown us all for a rollercoaster! The actual labor went really well, thanks to my epidural. When I was fully dilated and effaced, Winn was face-down, so it made my pushing a bit longer and my post-op pain a bit larger, but he actually turned last minute before his head made his way out. He was born at 9:09 pm at 8 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches long. I only pushed for 39 minutes which wasn't bad, to my surprise. It was the greatest moment of my life. Once he was fully out I instantly started crying without even meaning to (who can help but cry when they give birth, right?) Besides the pain that I was not expecting afterward, our few nights in the hospital were wonderful. I love him so incredibly much it's weird. Sometimes, on a not so rare occasion, I just stare and him in complete wonder at the fact that I made him. I grew him in my belly. And he's all mine. It really blows my mind. Motherhood is simply breathtaking, and something that no words can even come close to touching.
I experienced a bit of post-pardum but not so much depression as anxiety. I was so overwhelmed and my hormones were out of control. The first 2 weeks I cried every day. The hormonal effects of giving birth hit me hard and I was not expecting it. But don't worry moms-to-be out there, it is normal! It's okay if you cry and don't know why. It's hormones. And I thought I was loosing my mind, but come to find out, it actually does get better like everyone tells you it will. As for the sleep...that also hit me hard. You think you are prepared, because by 9 months fat and pregnant, you don't sleep anyway...but loosing sleep is different when you're laying in bed sweating and pregnant staring at the ceiling, versus trying to soothe a crying baby. He still isn't a good sleeper at night, but seeing as he is just about 4 weeks old, I will not complain for a while. I am actually going to start to sleep-train him. Put him in his crib, keep him awake during the day...I'm going to try. So far, I've been catering to his every need. Holding him constantly (I'll probably kick myself later for holding him every time he sleeps, but I can't help myself. He's perfectly cuddly), feeding him whenever he wants to eat, and loving on him around the clock. Winn runs the house to say the least.
I will go into detail about my struggle with nursing in a separate post, but I do want to share it. Because I felt thrown into it, expecting a lot, and not being able to deliver, and I want to share it with other new moms or moms-to-be who might feel what I went through. But to sum it up short, I'm pumping and feeding him my breastmilk by bottle. My struggle will be documented on a day that I have the energy to type it up for you. But it will come.
I just wanted to blog for a minute about how amazingly wonderful Winn is. It has so far been the hardest thing I've ever done my whole life, but it's worth it. Even when I bring him to my husband while I'm in tears because he's been crying at me for 2 hours straight in the wee hours of the morning. He is worth it. And for me, a person who seriously requires 8 hours of sleep at night to function properly, that is saying a lot. Because I think I get 8 hours of sleep in a week. My body is in shock and totally hates me right now. It's okay though, it will get better. He will get better. Everyone says this. So here's to having faith in all you guys telling me he will figure this whole sleeping thing out. Because, I'm not a "read parenting books" and "follow schedules of Baby Wise" type of gal. I want to parent my way, and I want to cater to Winn, not to the "textbook baby". Maybe I'm just in denial and making myself feel better by saying he'll figure it out, I don't need books.
Maybe I need a book.
Anyway. We love him. Colton is the best daddy ever. Our love has changed to be a billion million jillion times better, stronger, deeper, real-er. Babies do amazing things to people.

A baby will make
love stronger,
days shorter,
nights longer,
bankroll smaller,
home happier,
clothes shabbier,
the past forgotten,
and the future
worth living for.

There ain't one thing more true than that.

Guys, I'm Still Pregnant.

Well here I sit, still prego. I know I really shouldn't complain, I'm still 5 days away from my due date, but I can't help myself. I've tried so many labor inducing strategies (all of which do NOT work). He is just so happy in there, content. Just rollin and kickin and hiccup'in. He is in absolutely no hurry to get here. I can't blame him. This world is scary. But I've made him a real cute room and I'm really ready to love on him. Needless to say...I'm one onery mama. 
I keep taking myself to Target, looking through the swim suits, and the clothes, just hoping maybe by even looking at the clothes I used to be able to wear, will put me in labor. Guys, it's simply not working. 

I'm going crazy over here. 
I keep vacuuming. And watering my plants. Which means I'm killing my plants. 
Help a sister out. 

Whirlwind of All of That.

Okay. So, it has been one heck of a week. I'm not even going to pretend I want to dive into all of the drama once again, so I'll just wrap it up by saying we are moving, yet again. I know what you're thinking. Yes, we've only been here 4 months. (seriously?) But, I think this is meant to be. Actually, I know it is. After all the headache and horrible-ness came to a close, it was just too meant to be. Everything horrible that had occurred, seemed to have been perfect timing. Cause we get to stay in our new ward. We are actually just moving a few condos down. So. I think it's meant to be. 
I'm 36 weeks pregnant. I feel like I'm 80 weeks pregnant. I can't remember what it's like to zip up a pair of pants. Or really wear a pair of pants that didn't make me incredibly uncomfortable, for that matter. My wardrobe consists of maxi skirts, leggings, or scrubs. I'm verrrrry cute most days, let me tell you. I can't remember what it's like to not have this big belly I'm carrying around with me; to see below my belly. I now believe that God made pregnancy 40 weeks so that by the time the painful long labor gets you, you are so ready to be done being pregnant, that you welcome the labor with open arms. Seriously though. Come on labor! (But please not until we have moved. Please baby.) I'm getting so dang excited to meet my little guy. I know he's cute, because he will move his little legs and I can feel his feet. He'll push them against me and if I'm quick enough, I can grab them. And they are so tiny and cute. He usually pulls them in once he's realized I'm trying to hold them. And his hiccups I think are cute too. Homeboy really needs to learn what he's doin' though cause he gets them 1,000 times a day. I'm sure he's just miserable. But I think it's pretty dang cute. Plus, I got all these cute things to dress him up in (like a doll?) and I can't wait til his fat little body fills them right up. I'm just excited. And I think Colt is really excited too. He keeps having dreams that the baby comes. I haven't had any! But, he did say that the little man is pretty dang cute. I hope the little guy looks just like his dad, cause man, his dad is pretty cute. I think Colt is also pretty excited to have me not be pregnant anymore so I can stop having horrific night sweats and acid reflux and need assistance to get off the couch and raging cravings and so on. I think he's excited to have a less hormonal wife back. Believe me, I am too. This 12 year old acne is really crampin my style. 
Anyway. I'm just excited. For a safe new place to live, and to meet my guy, and for all the exciting-ness I've got going on in my future. I'm feeling very grateful for my life and all the things and people in it today. Most of all, my amazing husband. Where I'd be without him, I don't know. 


My feet get super swollen at night and it freaks me out. Another reason why I can't wait to meet my guy.

Hoping It's Not Just Me.

So Colt is out of town for a couple of days, and I have cried every day. I'm telling myself it's just because I'm pregnant, but I know it's because I'm so attached to the man that obviously I need therapy. He is down in Vegas at a work convention, just enjoying himself, loving the little break he's getting, and I'm over here eating a bowl of cereal, crying, and sleeping with the lights on. Get a grip Court. 
I have successfully made it to my 33rd week of pregnancy. I feel like my belly isn't getting any bigger, but my baby is. So, it feels like his feet are punching me through my ribs and straight in the boob, and his hands are pulling at my hip bones. It's real uncomfortable. Today I asked him, very nicely I might add, to please stop moving the way he was moving because he was really pulling my insides apart. Sometimes he sits right under my belly button and pushes it out or sucks it right in and it freaks me out/hurts me too. You should see how I'm having to sit to type right now. His feet are just all up in my ribs. Yikes Mr, we still have 7 weeks to go and my body is huuurting. Speaking of having 7 weeks left, what the heck? Where has the time gone? I remember when Colt and I found out we were pregnant and the excitement we felt and everything else that comes along with being a first time parent. I still feel those anxious feelings, mostly about the unknown. When do I feed him, how do I know when he's hungry, will he sleep good for me, will I rock at nursing (please oh please let me rock at nursing), who is going to watch him for me when I work, how in the world will we afford this nugget, and on and on I could go. The stress and anxious I have felt, and continue to feel, is so overwhelming. But I know this--Heavenly Father wants us to have kids. He wants me to be a mom and Colt to be a dad. He wants me to bring children into my home and to raise a family. So, He will provide a way for me to do that. And He will help all those questions get answered. So in my many moments of panic, I just try and remember that I am suppose to do this, and everything will be okay. Although, if one more person says "Oh it will all work itself out..." I think I may slap the person right across the face. That's everyone's response. Well that's great, but in the meantime of things just "working themselves out", I have to take the initiative to make them actually work out. Ha ha. I sound bitter. Maybe I am. 
I have my first baby shower at work this Friday, and my big family shower on Saturday. I'm excited to get baby things and get his room settled. I'm so incredibly excited to meet this little guy.
& this is just because I want him to know how excited I was for him one day: the past 9 months of my life have been hard, exciting, emotional, overwhelming, painful, and incredibly incredibly happy. I feel so blessed that I have been given the opportunity to carry this beautiful baby boy in my belly and to be his mommy. I hope he knows how much love he is already surrounded by. Colt and I are incredibly in love, and honestly, I think our relationship is the best I know of. There is not a single thing about it that I would change, or wish were different. Everything about our marriage is exactly perfect. Yes, we fight, and yes, we drive each other crazy some days, but honestly, I think we are everything to each other. And baby is super lucky to have parents who are in love. Colt and I are so excited to be parents and have no idea what we are doing and that's going to be half the fun. I know I could go into labor at any given moment now-a-days, and I'm just feeling overwhelmed with love in my life. I feel so blessed by so many things, even through all the stresses that have hit us hard the past few months. We get to be parents in T-minus 7 weeks. Oh my gosh. I can't hardly wait. 

(I can't wait to sleep on my stomach again.)

Because I Should Be Doing Homework.

I have so much homework this week its overwhelming. So naturally, I'm blogging instead of writing my dang book review. 
Today I'm feeling especially grateful for everything going on in my world right now. It's Easter Sunday, and the choir at my church did such an awesome program I was holding back tears the whole way through. And not just 'cause I'm pregnant. I have to say, I'm so grateful for holidays like Easter to bring us back to Earth. To remind us that the little things that stress our lives, that complicate our worlds, that seem to override so much of what's really important, are just the minute things that really don't matter. It's so easy to get caught up in how you feel, about yourself or about a neighbor, a coworker, or anyone else, or really anything else. It's easy to forget that we are all imperfect and the things in our lives that seem to cause shadows so much of the time, are temporary. I'm grateful to know that I have the Atonement to make up for my shortcomings and to help me be forgiven when I really need it. That's why I love Easter. And today was just fabulous. The weather was incredible too. 
Aside from that stuff, I just really wanted to write down how I'm feeling. Today marks my merging into my 3rd trimester! I'm so excited. And I'm also freaking out. I'm nervous that my last tri will be like my first. I don't want to live off Zofran and be tired 24-7 but it's starting out that way. Dang. Also, the whole concept of Braxton Hicks freaks me out. How am I suppose to know if I'm in labor or if my uterus is just prepping? Seriously, I'm so clueless and paranoid and nervous and excited. So this trimester could be the most interesting. 
My belly. You guys! It's so big. And heavy. And I'm so serious. This belly is like carrying a 20 lb medicine ball around all the time. Strapped to your waist. I get winded walking up the hill when I take Marley on a walk. How out of shape am I right? I know. But aside from it being huge and uncomfortable and making me feel like a large animal...it's my favorite. Because it means that the little man is growing, and that means I get to feel him more often. My absolute favorite thing about being pregnant is feeling him. He makes me laugh! I seriously catch myself laughing out loud when he is doing a dance of sorts. And he is also such a punk--he moves all the time for me, and even for Colt. But whenever any of my coworkers or friends want to feel him move, the second their hand goes on the belly, he stops. And then starts up again when they've given up. How rude, right? I promise he is on the move almost constantly ha ha, maybe he's just shy. But I can't explain how much I love to see my belly move when he decides he's uncomfortable, or when he is stretching, or when he is doing some awesome kickboxing moves. My favorite. I wish I could let you all be pregnant and feel him too. 
Anyway. This post is random and scattered but that's okay. I'm just grateful for Easter, and for my baby boy who's growing in my belly. I cannot wait to see his face and meet his little self. It's getting exciting around here folks. 

New Fave.

K I have to share my new fave recipe. I made it last night and guys...I'm telling you, it's so good. And it's so super easy and quick! Colt loved it too.
I can't take credit for it, of course I found it on Pinterest, but changed a few things! So, here's the recipe. Try it. You won't regret it.

Burrito Bowls:

You Need:
2 C. Brown Rice 
1 Tbsp. Vegetable Oil
1/4 C. Diced Onion
1 Clove Garlic, Minced
2 15oz. Cans Black Beans, Drained
Chopped Cilantro
1/4 Tsp. Chili Powder
Cayenne Pepper, To Your Liking
Juice of 2 Limes
Shredded Lettuce

How To:
Cook your rice. I made enough for 4 servings, so that Colt and I could have leftovers as well. I always cook for 4. I like leftovers. So, however much you want, you can cook. Also, if you wanted to, you could cook quinoa instead of rice which would be equally delish. I just am cheap and rice was like 3$ cheaper this week. While the rice is cooking, saute your onions and garlic in the oil until they soften. Add your beans, along with 1/2 c water, about 2 tbsp. of cilantro, and your spices (chili powder and cayenne, of course salt and pepper too). Stir and bring to a boil. Once boiling, reduce head and simmer for about 15 min until the water is mostly evaporated and the beans have thickened. Stir in the juice of 1 lime. Once your rice is done, add about 2 tbsp cilantro and the juice of one lime, along with some salt, and stir. Now it's time to assemble these bowls. 
Layer your rice, then beans, and top with lettuce. You can be creative now. I put sour cream, salsa, cheese, corn, and avocado on top and mixed it all up. You could put whatever you wanted in the bowls. My mixture was so yummy and I liked that the salsa added a little bit of liquid to it and the sour cream made it creamy and delicious. I had this for lunch the next day and it was even better. I hope you guys try it out and love it just as much as I did. (Sorry I suck at taking pictures so..no picture. Let your imagination run wild) 

Movin' Along.

So baby has totally started to move. I've been able to feel him for a few weeks now, but you can feel him through the belly. (he knows I'm talking about him, cause he is rollin' around like nobody's business as we speak) I let Colt feel my belly the other night when baby was super active and it freaked him out just a little bit. How do you think I feel, right? It's the most insane feeling to feel a little human in your belly doing dances and tricks. Seriously this whole thing still blows my mind. Another thing that baby is doing now-a-days is making me drink Dr. Pepper. I know, don't hate. But really, who drinks Dr. Pepper? Oh, me. I went to the gas station yesterday and for the first time I debated...Diet Coke? Or....Dr. Pepper won. 

I hope everyone had a fabulous V-Day cause I certainly did! My husband always spoils me rotten and this year was no exception. I woke up to flowers and the cutest card ever (if you know me..cards are my favorite of all gifts. People can say such great things to make you feel so great. My favorite gifts.) He also got me a sweet new blow dryer which I've been complaining I "need" forever now. It's a professional one and we really do need these things right? Anyway, our tradition since we've been married has been for Colt to make me dinner on Valentines Day. It beats going out to a crowded restaurant of over-priced food because Colt is one heck of a cook. (on a side note, pregnancy is not so flattering for V-Day. Heads up ladies) 

K here's my real big news. This week I am being sent to Vegas for an Anesthesia Review Course with the other assistants I work with for a few days. This isn't the cool part, just wait... and uhm, we are totally going to see Celine Dion. I know, I nearly cried when I heard the good news. I've wanted to see Celine (Elton too..oh please) since forever and I never had the heart to drag Colt along with me. So this is perfect. He doesn't have to suffer through it, I get to sing my heart out along with Celine. I cannot wait. Don't worry, I'll post pics. Maybe some videos too. 

I'll share some of our fun since my last post. And I promise to post some good recipes soon--including Colt's V-Day lovin' recipe.